trash and vaudeville

I am trying to describe the store "Trash and Vaudeville" in New York on St. Marks to someone in L.A. I don't know L.A. well enough to compare it to something there. I am telling this person that I used to get all my shoes there, that I could always rely on them for funky shoes. We are looking in stores in L.A. and none of them compare. In one store I recognize the cashier - a boy I knew in NYC - we worked together in a show there. He says he moved out to LA a while ago and was doing okay - had a guest role on some show recently. I am trying to write something down but it's dark and I am writing on burlap.

These ain't your daddy's mogwai

They are fuzzy little creatures and so cute - we are watching a movie in the living room where I grew up. My dad asks me if I have seen it before - and I haven't - so I ask him what is it about the fuzzy creatures? And he says "you'll see". And then suddenly it's not on the T.V. anymore - they are all over the house - they are like teddy bears but sweet. I am thinking it's like Gremlins - that they become evil or something when ... what? happens? I do know that it has something to do with evisceration and that it's not going to be pretty. We try to cage them - I find steel cages in the house and start placing them in there. They smile and make noises and when I am not looking they slip through the bars and come to snuggle up to me. My co-star who is a cross between Mark Harmon and Bill Bixby says that we have to kill them before the transformation starts. So we put them in bags and fill the sink with water and start to drown them. There aren't enough bags and it's going to happen at any minute, so I plunge a white one into the water and watch it run out of air and breathe in water. I think about how easy it is to kill something when you know that in a moment it would kill you.

There is a town meeting about what to do when they start to transform. It's dusk and the streetlamps start to flicker on. A housewife runs screaming down the street and bashes the streetlights. They transform under incandescent light. We run all over the house making sure lights are all off and find places to hide. I look out the back window and there are body parts littering the yard in the glow of a security light. I crawl into a closet and wait. A light goes on in a room near me - I can see the glow of it under the door. I am still hiding but can see the head of the family running after the babysitter who doesn't know what is going on She is a cross between KM and Kristen Johnston and she says that since the lights seemed to have all gone out she tripped a breaker to turn them all on. He is frantically trying to find the breaker box and reaches it just in time.

"Not I" said the pig

Windows and dogs everywhere. The dogs are shedding and leaving hair for the lab to analyze later. Someone has to work but I don't want it to be me. The credit card machine is broken and spitting out receipts that make no sense. It's not my problem so I go to the window. GP and I are talking about who is going to take care of everything. I am cramping up and I know this is going to be a bad day.

of course of course

It's a small apartment but it still has one bedroom and it looks out over the beach. There are people swimming in the Ocean who love this one particular television show and they are swimming towards the wall to be on it. The show is south african and like a cross between a talk show and Mr. Ed. A black and white rat comes running out of a hole in the corner and a man grabs it by the tail and hurls it towards the sea. There is a couple there that I don't know but they say I can rent their house in San Francisco for 2500$ and go there every weekend. I am not sure what increments she is talking about - yearly? Monthly? every weekend? She is wearing glitter birkenstocks and hanging tinsel on the light fixtures.

I know her name is June

It's hard to sleep. I think I am tossing and turning and the only reason I know it's a dream is because I am not in the same bed I know I am sleeping in. It's time to wake up - there is so much to do. But everything is confusing and the scenery keeps changing. There is a phone call. We have to move but I don't know if I am coming too. I ask but don't get an answer at first and then when I do it doesn't make sense and is sketchy. We are outside. The scenery is changing from the front of my childhood apartment building to the front of TF's house in Quogue. It's a driveway and a sidewalk and I ask if I need to come but it's too late - the car is pulling away. I realize her name is June. Her name is June. I realize that am standing in a camisole and boy shorts and it's cold out so I go inside - it's the lobby of my old apartment building. When I pass the mirror I see that my pajamas are long now.

He shouted out "I'm all yours - babushka babushka babushka ya ya"

I am in a room full of models watching their portfolios get projected on a screen. All the pictures are artistic and stunning. Each girl is unusual looking. We stand in 2 straight lines facing each other and someone is talking turkish. Then I see greek letters flying across the room like they are in the wind. I wish that my spanish was better so I could talk fluently. We turn to the right and massage the shoulders of the girl in front of us. I hate doing this because I am good at it and I always get gyped on my massage. Sure enough the person behind me pushes down on my shoulders instead of massaging them and keeps knocking me to the ground. She is a huge fat woman in a babushka and it's hard for me to stay on my feet with her pushing me.

2BR UWS EIK Must see!

Walking across town in NY - it's cold and grey and nothing is open. I have an audition that I have to get to on the Upper West Side. I climb the stairs and open the door and interrupt a class. They are all sitting in a circle and TP is in the class and she smiles at me. I wait until the class is over next to a tiny cluttered desk with a tiny lamp on it. The teacher comes and we start chatting - i had no idea he had an apartment on the UWS. TP comes over to ask him questions about the class and flirts shamelessly with him by pressing her legs up against his as they sit across from each other.

It's the Lulu's!

At a dress house with BL. It's along the lines of Nanette Lepore or one of the stores on Lafayette in NoLiTa. The woman there brings out all types of gorgeous dresses and we try them on. She tells us that they do not believe in URLs and selling on the web. I pick up a tiny purse and think it would hold either a lipstick or a quarter but not both.

They are looking for someone to play Santa. BL volunteers but puts on a beautiful white ballerina dress with a long tutu and says "I decided that Santa dresses more like the Sugar Plum Fairy". I am laughing so hard I have to sit down. We go out to the car where AL is sitting with some man I don't know. We tell AL that he should play Santa. The man agrees and shows him a pizza box that says "AL would be good at Santa". AL says "but I am Jewish so how good could I be?"

We drive down the street and AL asks if we see the ghosts of the dead wandering the streets. I realize it's a television show and I think to myself that it would be better if they had ghosts from all eras mingling with the crowd coming down the sidewalk. However there is a transparent horse drawn cart and I think that's a nice touch.

Sure I can talk, I'm in class.

I am in a class. I think "I am not supposed to be in this class". I get up and have written something but I know it's not very good and I am not prepared to read it. But I do my best and try and commit to it. In the middle of reading it one of the people in the class answers her cell phone and starts talking. I turn around and scream YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!! and yell at her until she runs out of the class. I think to myself that I am lucky she did it though because I wasn't really prepared.

Der Waffle House

FIL is on the phone. I am watching TV. I don't know where we are - a hotel room? V talks to him and I realize he's been gone a while - can't find him while he's been on the phone. Something is Ridiculous, don't I think so? We show SR the funky house on the street. There are beads covering the walls and the gates are strung with them and they glitter. The walls are painted red and pink. V asks if he wants the full effect and so we go in the front up the stairs. EL IM's me and says "bottom line do we want waffles or stuff to make waffles with." We agree waffles. SR says he'll go next door and help him carry them.

On the Q

I am trying to put foundation on. I am smearing it all over my face. The make-up artist comes in and says that at least it was good that I added moisturizer to it. He starts to make me up and covers a pimple I have perfectly - you can't see it at all. MM is there looking at dresses.

Cars are parked in strange places in the garage. I don't know how anyone gets out of their spots. They are parked like checkers on a checkerboard. A woman is moving tons of paint cans back and forth. I am sitting on the hood of a car watching her and realize I should offer to help. When I start to help I find all kinds of things in the pile that I can use -- good colors and bottles of cool things.

I am on the Q train - the elevated part. First I am inside then I am standing on the tracks. I am looking at a newspaper and I notice that someone has rearranged the letters and replaced the images. When the train goes by the wind rips the paper out of my hands and I watch it fly over the phone lines.

You're gonna make it after all

A lot of travelling to get nowhere it seemed - drving in and out of wet NYC streets - seemed like around madison and 55th. Nobody on the streets but the displays all lit up. Then we are in a high rise looking down on a gorgeous river - it's lush and green and you can see hidden beaches. We discuss with our dinner hosts what it would be like to jump from the building - would we plunge into the river and resurface or would we hit the bottom and that would be that?

We have theatre tickets and there is no way we are going to make it in time. I look over the ledge and Georgette from the Mary Tyler Moore show is climbing up the side to sneak into her girlfriend's apartment. I give her the tickets.

You snooze: You lose

It's raining. We are driving around a parking garage and it's really coming down. The convertible is getting all wet so we put the top up. I can't find ZP. We were supposed to meet him and I brought him Burger King. I find him at the top of the structure where he is sitting at picnic tables. I ate his sandwich but I give him the french fries.

It's quite clear, Jennifer

Walking down 25th and Park Ave - the restaurant is on the wrong side - and my cousin MF is sitting having drinks. We wave to each other and smile and I rappel up the side of the building. I jump in an office window and Jennifer Garner is standing there. We have to unhook wires and cables from her and she tells me her body aches. I check a USB port connected to a box on her belt and ask her if she remembers yesterday. She says no and I tell her they kidnapped her and replaced her bones with metal to use her as a bomb. Her body hurts because they dropped her from the top of a 5th story window.

hymm of hillary

EL and I are at mass. He is making jokes about Hillary Clinton and it's making me laugh. I whisper that he is wicked since she is standing right next to us. We can't stop laughing. He hands me a bible - but it's my leatherbound map of Paris.

Wild Puppies

it's a movie theatre and we are playing card games with giant cards that have trivia questions and pictures on them. The theatre is packed. I look back and see a heavily made up old woman smoking without regard for the rules 2 rows behind me. She waves at me and smiles. I smile back. I don't know who she is but I remember that she is awesome. I lay the cards out on the floor of the theatre and ask 3 boys the question. They get the answer wrong. The answer is a boy band that I have never heard of.

A room full of old machinery - there is a photo booth somewhere I say. But we look everywhere and find nothing. Then a machine nearby spits out a photo that would have been good if we had only stayed still. I peek inside the glass and see the lens of the camera. We try to take another picture but lose interest as it prepares for the shot.

There are wild puppies. We find 2 males under a rock. They yawn when we take them out of where they are hiding. I say that there is always a female in a litter and keep looking - and there she is behind another rock - a female that is all brown with a black spot and a wagging tail.

Vivaldi? that's so obvious.

I am in a pretty slip/nightgown. I am in a loft that is open to the left and right to me but turn around and it's crowded with furniture and quite small. I am looking out an open window onto the city. It seems like New York but like someone has sandblasted all the dirt away and added a strange light. "Spring" from Vivaldi's the Four Seasons is playing and I think how obvious it is but that it makes sense that people like it so much. A woman behind me says "NOW" and a group of people run down the stairs and pick me up and carry me away. They have a surprise for me.

No, no, that's not how it happened...

There is a boat and we are clipping along at tremendous speed. The water is blue and green and crystal clear like the water off the east coast of mexico. The captain points out as we go under a bower of ivy that this was where my baby girl fell off the boat, and they tried to save her but she drowned. I picture her scared in the water as she drowned and think "no that's not how it happened..." The boat drops me off in a lofty cabin on a mountain. I am alone there for a long time and it's nice. Peaceful. Then I see people coming up the hill and I remember that everything is a mess and I need to clean it all up. I start dragging piles together as fast as I can.