The kitkatklub

LH and I are in a museum. We are making our way through dark passageways and scores of tourists. Sometimes I am with her in the museum and sometimes I am outside scaling the walls. I am jumping over concrete barriers and climbing through bushes and vines. Sometimes I look back and see that there was an easier way to get through where I was and that I had taken the long way. LH and I walk through a door and find ourselves in the main room of the museum where people enter. I see families with children and balloons. The ceiling is glass and above us appears to be ocean. There are beautiful colored fish swimming above us. The doors are designed to be the mouth of an animal - like a giant version of the cartoon where the *jack benny* mouse takes his wife to the *kitkatclub*. The breadth and height of the room and mouth are just stunning. There are even stalactite canine teeth hanging down from the ceiling.

I am driving through the streets and I am speeding through yellow lights. When we get to the park it's no longer me driving, but V. There is no parking, but he says "bob" told him a secret underground place to park and he backs the convertible expertly into a narrow doorway and pushes it with no gas around tight curves into a parking space. When we climb the steps, they open out onto a green grassy field and the dogs go running as fast as they can. As I watch them go I am thinking that it's nice not to have to worry about them. A mother is playing with her children who have yellow balloons, and she doesn't even turn around as the dogs run past her. We walk to a snack bar and order beer. I order a beer that has a Latin name and it is heavy and delicious and perfect for the warm weather. V says that *bob* is outside with the dogs. I don't know *bob* but I see him through the glass and he looks familiar. I don't know who we are with but they are all men and the table is full.

hm... i might be watching too much television

It's like "The Apprentice" - weeks of an interview and somehow my group already knows the next task. We have to run a hat shop and one of the boys says that we should call it la chapeau. The guys in my group are the guys I was talking to outside at YL's xmas party last night. We are standing in the same arrangement that we were last night in real life. But the place we are in is like the offices in "Without a Trace" and it's New York and I look out the picture windows and see that it is SNOWING!!! It is coming down hard and fast and it is STICKING to the ground and I am beside myself with joy to see snow. People are coming out of the interview room and they are shaking thier heads and saying "she's in a bad mood - she tore me a new one" - and now it's my turn.

I decide not to let what other people are saying get to me - so i march in the room as cheery as I can be, and mention the snow. She introduces the woman next to her who is a Union leader - local something but I don't catch the number. We sit down on plush couches and talk about snow for a bit. Then she asks me about the task. She asks if there was one particular driver who stood out in my mind as being the worst of the bunch. I am trying to remember the task but for the life of me can't remember any aspect of it or even working on it. I say "well, I must say that as a rule it surprises me when people don't go out of their way to do the best job that they can do - whether the task at hand is small or large."

Just as they are about to respond, a huge family of people barge in the room - all of them have some coca-cola products of some sort - giant cups, tee shirts, sweat shirts, etc...

I have to get to JFK immediately but if I take the train I will be late. The person I am with suggests we take a helicopter - so we hop aboard - but it's got an open platform on the outside that we have to ride on. We hold on tight and watch the map of NYC below us. I can see that we are over Brooklyn and I can see the helipad at the airport, but instead they tell us that we have to drop into the water and a police boat will come and get us. We jump off the platform and hit the water and I am holding my breath underwater as the police boat pulls up with sirens flashing and the divers plunge in the water to get us.

Velvet castles

My friends and I are scaling a castle. It's a game and it's fun - it's about textures - knocking over dominoes and fur and velour and collecting things. We are climbing in and out of windows and I suddenly get the point of the game - but we have to stop for the day for a party that night. I climb in a window and it's the murderer's apartment. I have no choice but to stay here until the event. She walks in the room and is trying to be friendly but I'll have none of it. She says something to me and I look her square in the eye and say "why? so you can kill that one too?". I go out of my way to make her feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for pretending everything is okay. At some point I call Vinny and tell him about the situation.

Then I am walking through cubicles with an assistant of an agent I had years ago. I am asking her questions and telling her about ilovebees and we sit down in front of a lamp and look at diamonds under a microscope.

Now and at the hour of our death

It's my childhood bedroom. I am in my twin bed and my brother is sleeping in the twin bed across from me. The nightlight is on, but over it is a statue of the Virgin Mary. I am small and in a nightgown and I climb out of bed and tiptoe over to the statue and ask the Virgin not to let them kill me in the morning. I say a Hail Mary, cross myself and jump back in bed. The bedroom door opens and it's my parents. I am not sure if I am happy or disappointed that they didn't catch me praying. They tell me that in the morning my father will go over to the church where they will administer a shot to him that will end his life. He says he is tired and that it is time. I start to cry and ask him to reconsider to please please reconsider. I say that there are so many things that I am sure I want to tell him about that I just don't remember at this moment. My mother shakes her head and smiles sadly and turns to him and says "oh, she's so upset"... I start to scream over and over again - a raw scream with no breath behind it and as I scream over and over I can feel myself not being a child but an adult.

looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker

i think it's a hotel - it's huge - the lobby has high ceilings and I am watching as people come off the elevators... they hand slips of paper to the runners, who show them their door - they gesture flamboyantly at the number on the door and then run away. I go into one of the rooms - it belongs to catherine zeta jones. It's tiny with a large picture window and her clothes are scattered all over the place. There are twin beds and the toilet is in the corner like a jail cell, and it's backed up. She says something like "raw sewage, lovely, i must call the front desk" and I laugh and shake my head. She is wearing a powder blue pants suit with matching eye makeup.

I step through her window into the gardens and run down the steps past people looking at koi in the pond. I am wearing a red plaid 1950's dress with a burgandy sweater that sometimes turns into a sweatshirt, white high heels, a tiara and a bouf. hairdo. I am surprised at how comfortable the heels are, I can run in them. Children are pointing at me.

"ahem, You are Horrible so please stop."

They are all lined up on either side of the pool. I run and dive into the water and swim along the bottom looking up at everyone's legs. We are supposed to be lining up boy girl boy girl and I pop up along the side in a spot. Now the people are children and a boy is crying so I motion for him to take the spot next to me.

There are magazine pictures walking by me - people on their way to musical award ceremonies. They are not ripped out, but cut like someone is going to make decoupage.

Somebody's mother has been walking with us on our adventures. She is horrible and mean and so I tell her so. At first she is defensive, but I take her by the arm and ask her to hear me out. I explain my case and how I empathize with her situation and I watch as I speak she visually relaxes and starts to smile a little bit even. Before I know it we are fast friends and holding hands as we climb over rocks.

I wonder if I can make soup out of it...

I am supposed to do a photo shoot as an art model. I am naked except for a thong and high heeled boots. I am surprised that it's not cold in the studio. We are waiting for the artist to arrive and they are putting make-up on me. Sometimes it's a loft and sometimes it's my old apartment. We are also waiting to have hot soup and I am adding ingredients to a giant pot on the stove.